contact;

[inconstantly]

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[buttreset]

No. I'm staying here.

[inconstantly]

Besides here.

[buttreset]

Nah, man. I just need some time away from the ol' roost. You know, clear my head and learn something about making people miserable.

That's my job.

[ Stop being so damn nosy, John. ]

[inconstantly]

I know it's your job. That's why I'm not too keen on helping you get off by torturing me.

[It's a demon in his house. He's going to have questions.]

[buttreset]

You think I'm here to torture you? Ha!

You're so dramatic sometimes, John.

[inconstantly]

You're a demon, you're following me around, and like you said, it's your job.

You can see where I'd get the idea.

[buttreset]

Well you can relax. We've got the rest of eternity to worry about that once you croak.

Because you're eternally damned if you weren't aware.

[inconstantly]

I'm well aware, thanks.

Did you know that before or after you showed up through the floor?

[buttreset]

After, but I'm really making that inconvenience work in my favor.

[inconstantly]

I can tell.

[He's not sure if he wants to ask but the question is out of his mouth before he has the chance to stop himself.]

How much do you know about me?

[buttreset]

[ There's a pause on the other end of the line. ]

Well, I've skimmed your file. Usually files are like Wikipedia articles until you're actually dead: unreliable, constantly changing and the grammar isn't great.

But I know you're very, very into pleasurable fornication and alcohol.

Your masturbation statistics are also grotesquely high.

[inconstantly]

[John glances to his empty glass just out of reach and the ash tray beside it. Well, they're not wrong. It's a wonder that after all the nagging he's heard to quit that the smoking was left out.]

Huh. Maybe I should just hang up now to have a wank and see if the number changes.

[buttreset]

[ There is a groan of disgust. ]

It will change. That's a stupid experiment.

[inconstantly]

So what's my number?

[buttreset]

35,048.

[inconstantly]

[John puts Michael on hold and returns after a few minutes of silence.]

35,049.

[buttreset]

Keep that up and you might end up in the cayenne-pepper-palms section of The Bad Place.

[inconstantly]

You're lying.

[buttreset]

I wouldn't short-change the creative minds of the TCD. That's Torture Concept Department.

[inconstantly]

Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned eating of someone's entrails?

[buttreset]

You humans don't taste as good as you think.

So I'm told anyway. That buffet is more for tourists.

[inconstantly]

So non-demons eat people? What the bloody kind of entity is that?

[buttreset]

Demon is a racist generalization.

[inconstantly]

I can't call everyone an entity, that's too vague.

[buttreset]

Certain beings don't work to torture you. They are simply part of the ecosystem that we utilize.