contact;

[inconstantly]

Watch on YouTube

Comments

[buttreset]

[ There's a pause on the other end of the line. ]

Well, I've skimmed your file. Usually files are like Wikipedia articles until you're actually dead: unreliable, constantly changing and the grammar isn't great.

But I know you're very, very into pleasurable fornication and alcohol.

Your masturbation statistics are also grotesquely high.

[inconstantly]

[John glances to his empty glass just out of reach and the ash tray beside it. Well, they're not wrong. It's a wonder that after all the nagging he's heard to quit that the smoking was left out.]

Huh. Maybe I should just hang up now to have a wank and see if the number changes.

[buttreset]

[ There is a groan of disgust. ]

It will change. That's a stupid experiment.

[inconstantly]

So what's my number?

[buttreset]

35,048.

[inconstantly]

[John puts Michael on hold and returns after a few minutes of silence.]

35,049.

[buttreset]

Keep that up and you might end up in the cayenne-pepper-palms section of The Bad Place.

[inconstantly]

You're lying.

[buttreset]

I wouldn't short-change the creative minds of the TCD. That's Torture Concept Department.

[inconstantly]

Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned eating of someone's entrails?

[buttreset]

You humans don't taste as good as you think.

So I'm told anyway. That buffet is more for tourists.

[inconstantly]

So non-demons eat people? What the bloody kind of entity is that?

[buttreset]

Demon is a racist generalization.

[inconstantly]

I can't call everyone an entity, that's too vague.

[buttreset]

Certain beings don't work to torture you. They are simply part of the ecosystem that we utilize.

[inconstantly]

But demons exist. You can't tell me they don't.

[buttreset]

If you need to label us with such a primitive title-- yes.

Sometimes you're so embarrassing to have as a friend.

[inconstantly]

Tell that to the one who tried to eat me.

[buttreset]

Roger and I have discussed you. Several times.

[inconstantly]

It has a name?

[buttreset]

Of course he does. We go way back.

[inconstantly]

Then tell him to get his tongues off me unless he plans on taking me to dinner.

[buttreset]

I will not be passing that sexual implication along.

[inconstantly]

That was a joke, Michael. I don't want him to eat me in any sense of the word.

[buttreset]

Good.

You need some better jokes. Hit me with another one, we'll workshop it.